Actual headline: City Of Chicago Offers Advice In Event Of Nuclear Attack

Here’s the apocalyptic story (CBS2 Chicago)

And here is the actual page on the City of Chicago website.

Let me paraphrase:

  1. You still owe your real-estate taxes and parking tickets, even if your house and car are burnt toast
  2. If you live on the South Side or West Side, remember: you are still at risk of drive-by shootings
  3. If you live near a church with a “nuclear-free zone” sign, you may ignore all warnings. You are safe and smug.
    • Also, please note that even a nuclear blast cannot crack the shell of your moral superiority
  4. Please replace your old City of Chicago flag with the newly-redesigned one below


  • Dave Schuler
    August 11, 2017

    Fortunately, no one other than a few CBS Chicago reporters read the city’s web site.

  • Charles Lipson
    August 11, 2017

    Brilliant comment, Dave, and surely correct!

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